In our continuing series, “Surviving Deployments,” the author of wonderful one times one shares her tips for getting through her husband’s deployments.
It’s true. Deployments stink. I’m all for silver linings, but I’ve only found one when it comes to deployments – I can do drastic things to my hair that my husband would hate. Last time, I cut all my hair off and this time, well, I’m sitting here with my pretty bangs hanging my face. That’s it. That’s the silver lining.
I loved LB’s post below and agree with everything she said (and got some tips!). Stay busy, get involved, get on a schedule – these are daily mantras at my house. I thought I’d add on a few more things that helped me through my last deployment and are currently helping me through this one.
1) Find something new and exciting to be passionate about.
When J deployed for the first time, I quickly became passionate about two things – Hank, our Newfoundland puppy, and photography. I had just moved from New York City to small-town North Carolina and was (and still am) completely blown away by the beauty of this area. Nowhere else have I found such amazing landscapes and open wild land. And so, I bought myself a nice digital camera and set out with Hank to explore. And we discovered this area together and at the same time, became best friends (corny, I know, but oh so true).
2) Focus on what makes you happy.
When you are in a new place and newly married, your heart can sometimes trick you into believing that the only thing that makes you happy in your life is your spouse. When the deployment came, my heart had to re-learn very quickly that there are so many other things and people that truly make my life interesting and enjoyable. Sure, having J around makes life better, hands down, but he can’t be the only thing that makes me happy….or I would only be happy 4 months out of the year. And what fun is that? So, I have a really fun time focusing on what and who fills my life with happiness and along the way, I discover things about myself.
3) Let him know you are there.
It sounds a little cliché, but I love making care packages. I am probably just as happy to make them as J is to receive them. Last deployment, it was all about sending him ways to pass the time; but this deployment, it’s all about what they actually need to survive comfortably. So, I’m constantly on the search for things to send and it makes me feel like I’m contributing too. It makes me feel connected to him. And, more importantly, he feels closer to home when he is so far away.
4) Feel empowered.
This goes along with LB’s advice, but there is something completely empowering about being a military spouse. As much as I want him home, I feel empowered knowing that I can handle everything without him here. Gracefully? Not always!
And, lastly, there is one thing that makes it all worth it. One word. Homecoming.
About me: I am currently living in North Carolina in a little town near the coast. I’m a book publicist and the mom of Hank, our Newfoundland. In the mornings, you can find us at the beach and in the evenings, you’ll find me on the couch, cuddled up with my pup and a book.
Wow. She displays true wisdom that many people never achieve after a lifetime! Such an introspective yet constructive way of dealing with painful situations is incredibly admirable.
If I ever complain about life + dating + school, remind me of her advice, Pizz. Those are some noteworthy strategies.
All of this is so true. Now in the midst of our 3rd deployment (in as many years), I have learned that you have to take one day at a time. No more, no less. And each one of those days leads you towards THAT day – HOMECOMING! I especially agree with the “make your own happiness” part….if you fall apart, then what does he have to come home to? Being strong is very hard, I know. As the mother of 2 small children, it is especially hard to be strong for them when I am sad myself, but you just take one day at a time and know that you can do it! This is his life and family that he’s coming home to and if we fall apart, then everything falls apart. Very well said and to al the women out there going through deployments now or in the future, keep your head up, cry when you need to, but know that YOU CAN MAKE IT! YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!!
I am truly inspired. Happy Holidays Katie and Hank!